Uphill Writing

We look on in horror—and no small amount of fascination—when we become aware of the next serial killer.  It’s human nature, right?  Still, when you really think about it, who kills the most?  Is it the man (usually) or woman (occasionally) with a twisted view of morality?  Is it the poor, vengeful soul who believes that the world has done him (or her) wrong?

I think that some of the greatest serial killers out there are you and me.  Writers. 

In his book, “On Writing”, Stephen King speaks of using a bomb in a closet to winnow out his too large cast of characters of his book, “The Stand”.

Killing off an important character in your story is a powerful way of creating emotional impact.  But how?  How do you do it?  After all, anyone can fire a gun or throw a knife.  I present you with 10 unique ways to kill:

1. Murder by tattoo: Victim is tattooed using poison inks spelling out his misdeeds.
2. Murder by anorexia nervosa: Using hypnosis, convince victim that she is grossly overweight.
3. Murder by food: Place irremovable collar around neck of victim, and leave high-calorie food within easy reach.
4. Murder by icicle: Victim is stabbed in the back with icicle.  Body heat melts it.  No weapon found.
5. Murder by television: Victim is tied to a chair, has eyelids taped open, and forced to watch non-stop TV commercials.
6. Murder by boredom: Force victim to view endless photographs of a pet or child.
7. Murder by insomnia: Call victim at random times during the day and describe creative ways (perhaps from this list) that he or she will be killed.
8. Slow death.  Force a person to live out their entire life, at the point of a gun.
9. Murder by Cat Dander.  Cat hair sprinkled on and under a pillow of allergic person.
10. Death by Blog Reading.  (The horror!  The horror!)

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